You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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