sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
