I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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