I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
