It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
