I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
