Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
