I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
