I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
