Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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