u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
