smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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