if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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