You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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