wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
