im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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