i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
