do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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