I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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