hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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