i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
We need a shit load of segways right now
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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