I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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