I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
