with your own penis?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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