Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
