It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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