Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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