You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
