omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
