Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
