Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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