Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
