why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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