every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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