okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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