The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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