Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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