Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
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Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
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Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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