Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
