I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
