If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
