New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
