is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
