I wish I could punch you in the face.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
