I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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