Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
