i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
