We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
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Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
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Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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