we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
