I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
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