i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
