After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
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