Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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