she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
