It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
