Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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