well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
my vag is so smooth its legendary
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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