Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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