Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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