my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize