I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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