I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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