my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Can I color on your dick again?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
