So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm bleeding and have questions
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
