That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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