where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
