The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He better not be in your backpack
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
