kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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